and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
