I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize