I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
