remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
