so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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