But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
