i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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