I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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