Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
