I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
