I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
