dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
