just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
