Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
