I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
