he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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