Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
