He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
