did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
