If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
