So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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