Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
