you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
