oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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