Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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