Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh god it's open bar.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
