We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
