i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
