i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
