Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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