paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
