I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Princesses don't give blow jobs
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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