Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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