So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
