Dude my mom stole all your condoms
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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