don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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