Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize