We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
