Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
