if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
