You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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