so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
