Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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