Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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