Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize