It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
