Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
