my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
