What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize