i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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