If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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