Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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