life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
