Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
