It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
