I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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