This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
