I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
