so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
