PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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