I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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