Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
