I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
