Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
