I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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