Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
