The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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