Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
