Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
