you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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