I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
cat food counts as protein by the way
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
