Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
