I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
