East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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