Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
