the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
