remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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