2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
