i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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