can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I believe in your delicious
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
