im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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