I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize