Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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