I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize