i just had sex bonerless
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
