My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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