I wannas sexs uuuuu
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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