Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
