I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Even my vagina gasped.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize