he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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