BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize