Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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