All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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