Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
