Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize