4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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